For a love of a daughter ….

No matter how hard I try, I end up failing. I try so hard, and yet I can’t meet to your expectations. I must admit, I’m not perfect, smart nor beautiful; but I do try. It just seems like no matter how hard I try to make you happy, I always seem to make you angry. Maybe I should stop trying?

You haven’t realized how many dreams I have put on hold for you, just so you can live out your dreams. 8 years of my life has now gone to waste. And in those 8 years; you never realised on what I gave up on. Nor have I heard a single ‘thank you’ from you. Maybe I was wrong to let you live your dreams and to give up on mines?

For the love of a daughter, all I wish is to stop causing more and more pain; and wish to live a simple life. No matter how hard I try to gain your approval; I’m the one ending up hurt and lost. It seems like our relationship has just said it's 'goodbye' .....

In this life .... we became strangers

It amazing how much people can change after 3 years. Even 3 years can make a huge difference in a lifetime. For me; the 3 years, where the hardest to forget that unforgettable summer I had with you. What I thought was a simple summer, but it became a summer that I would cherish.... It was a summer full of discoveries and secrets. But, back then, I was dumb, naive and plain stupid. I didn’t realise that you became my first love.

And now .... I regret ever meeting you. It's funny how simple a year later could change someone. All that was needed was a year, and BAM! we became strangers.

Just like the saying ‘It takes a second to have a crush on someone, a minute to like someone, an hour to love someone and a lifetime to forget someone'.

But we learn from our mistakes ... right?

Better than a dream ...

 

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality 

is finally better than your dreams" ~ Dr. Seuss

Playing hide and seek

"If you love and miss that person,
then love can come again when you meet again.

Just like playing hide and seek ....
no matter where it hides or even if you can't see it,
it must be waiting at some place for you.
Amid the countless chaos just like the sincere prayers of love,
the people in love will surely meet again"
~ Eun-young from Spring Waltz

Another Congratulations!

As some of you guys know, from one of my previous blog I've announced that 2 friends of mine (in Perth) are engaged .. and well .. I found out last month that I know 2 more people that are getting married soo ....

The first CONGRATULATIONS is to my cousin, Hong, in Vietnam :). Who I, at first, thought she was joking when she phoned me while I was in Vietnam that she was getting married at the end of this year (2011). So fingers cross that her wedding is at the end of this year (2011) so I can go :)

The next CONGRATULATIONS is to also a friend, but in Vietnam :). Her name is Hoa and I've known her for about 3 years now :). Hopefully, this wedding would turn the bad news at the start of this year into something good :). Because early this year, her twin sister's husband died in a work accident and it wasn't a good way to start a new year [in reference to the lunar new year]. And figures cross her wedding is also at the end of the year (2011). =]

So I wish both Hong and Hoa and wonderful wedding and a new life ... and fingers cross, that by the end of the year, I can attend their wedding :)

Time to MAN UP!

"It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel" ~Anonymous

I just hate when guys [males] don't have the courage to ask someone out. Especially when they tell you they liked you but never had the guts to ask up til now! and then all a sudden they ask you out! ... Well my answer to that is 'NO'.

Why? Well, 1) You didn't have the courage to tell me back then and 2) Why the sudden "Will you go out with me?" and then tell you they 'chickened out' back then.

It shows a lack of courage to ask someone out. That's what I think. I like guys who actually have the courage to ask someone out without any delay. It shows alot of courage. Also that they [males] want to pursue the girl.

My advise to all the guys out there who don't have the courage to ask a girl out is:
You should tell her before its too late. No matter what the outcome is (good or bad) you can use it as an experience and not regretting it later on. Especially to the guys who I knew (that also where in this situation with me) to MAN UP NOW.

SO here's some handy hints (from buzzle.com) to asking that special person out:

1. Don't think that a date is the most important event in the world. So remember to breathe, stay calm and plan what actions to ask the girl on the date.


2. Know what the girl's interests are and her friends so that you can be apart of them as well. And don't do the whole stalker thing and/ or hire a dective to find out this info T_T.


3. Get closer to her. NOT physically. Like become like a friend that helps each other out.


4. Hanging out. Try to go somewhere that you guys can bond. Like out of school or work. This helps you to know a little bit more about her outside the workplace and what not.


5. Ask her out. A simple note, or a causal coffee meeting or even the movies will helo you ask her out on a date. But rememer you dont want to scare her so don't go over board with it.

Wish To See You Again

So like, when it comes to relationships I think I'm one of the most clueless person EVER!!!. I can give friends advise and all but when it comes to me and actually getting/ starting to be in a relationship, I'm soo clueless.

So its been like 1 1/2 weeks since my date on Sunday night (not that I've been counting :S) and I have no news on a 2nd date :'( . Maybe its some think we both said? I mean, after the date on Sunday, we got each other's email address and numbers. We added each other on facebook and chatted. We both told each other that we were both busy with assignments and mid semester tests and won't be free til the week break.

So maybe its the fact that were too busy with study that we haven't really arranged anything? But a good indication was when he said (while driving) was that we should catch up for a movie, which I replied 'yeah sure' which is a good step forward :D

If study is preventing him from asking me out again then I'm going to implement time limit on him. I'm giving him up until my birthday is over (12.01 am 27/4) to ask me out again. Because by then there is less studying and we're on the Easter Break!. If he does then I definately say 'YES'. If he doesn't then I'll see this as a sign as we are just friends. Am I too mean for putting a time limit on him? Well we'll see what happens. I'm not going to hint him out or anything about this time limit, unless he reads my blog in which case 'Ask me out again!!!' :P

So is there like a rule book on begining a relationship? Because I doubt that I'm the only one that is in this situation at the moment. So is there like a rule that states that if he doesn't contact you like a week or so after a date that means he/ she just want to be friends? Or that don't scare the poor guy/girl off on your first date together?

Sunny Happiness

So like I think this month has been really exciting. I mean, in the last 2 weeks I have received/ heard some really amazing news.

First of all, I want to congratulations my long time childhood friend Jennifer (Jenny for short) for getting engaged ^^. Im soooo proud and happy for her :) . We've known each other like FOREVER about like 18 years or so. And she's been there for me when we we're going up and attended the same primary and high school together. To me, she's like an older sister ^^. Even though we slowly parted like in high school we occassionally meet each other at the shops and so, hearing this news from her, I'm sooo HAPPY ^^.

Second news, is another engagement from my former confirmation classmate Anh. Even though I only known her for a few years, we still keep in touch via Facebook and Yahoo Messager. I'm sooo proud and HAPPY for her also. And can't wait for her wedding which is expected towards the end of this year.

The third news is that last night (Sunday night) I went on my date that my brother-in-law and older sister arranged for me. It was a nice date. We went to Burswood, and attended Movies by Burswood. It was an outdoor cinema :) . The nice thing about this event was that all the profits and amount that made that night goes towards a charity. Which is likely to be the annual event in October/ November Telethon. The movie we saw was HereAfter which was, to tell you the truth, the MOST BORINGEST movie EVER!!! ... I highy recommend NO ONE to see it. The reason is that there wasn't really a plot line. But I guess the underlying point of the movie was finding your soulmate ... I guess :S But the overall date was nice :) We had a few things in common and he was a nice guy to meet :)

I, take thee ...

So like, I was in church last Sunday and I witness (for the 2nd time I think) the most beautiful yet sweetest thing. I was able to witness 2 happily married couples re-new their wedding vows =]. They didn't go for the giant wedding church mass with the bride wearing her wedding gown and only invited guest were able to attend, it was like a casual thing. It was sweet hearing the 2 couple saying " I .... take thee, ..... to be my lawful wedded wife/husband ....." It was even more cute when they kisses infront of family, friends and people who attended mass that day. =]

Seeing people re-new their vows makes me wonder, how do you know that the person you marry is the right one? I mean, I've seen and heard people getting married and saying that their each other soulmates and what not. But after a few years, they divorce each other. So how do you know if you've made the right decision?

The right time to move on

So I was watching Hi! My Sweetheart, a 2010 Taiwanese Drama, and one of the episode scene made me think for a bit. It was when Lee Wei character He Yan Feng asks Rainie Yang's character Chen Bao Zhu if its time to move on. What he ment was that, if it was time to let that person in her heart to move out so that another person could move in. This was because, she was in love with Show Luo's character Lin Da Lang (who was actually Xue Hai's fake name) for 3 years and its been 3 years since the break up and since she's been searching for him. That night she decides that Yan Feng was right and she decided to pack the Pink Panther and her only photo of her and Da Lang away in a box and to move on.

So what made me think was that it does take that long to move on from someone. I mean, if you have a crush on someone and realise they don't feel the same, does it take the same amount of time to stop having feelings for them? This is because I was in that kind of situation, in the past. It took me 6 months to fall for 'him', and 6 months to forget about 'him'. But in the end, I think it was a good thing that I didn't form a relationship with him because we have been such good friends.
Does this also apply for people who just been in a relationship and have broken up? Like if you been with someone for a year or 2, then will it take 1 or 2 years to mend your broken heart and get "back on the horse" or to move on/ forget about them?

What I buy in Vietnam over the past few years =D

So, I managed to take some photos of the things I generally buy in Vietnam. Some of these things I tend to buy heaps of, but by the end of my holiday, I don't seem use them much at all. I tend to go crazy with the cute asian things there and buy a whole heap of them because their sooo cheap over there. =D

But I managed to have some self control at the begining of this year, when I went.

Here is a eye-shadow and lip gloss heart-shaped make-up kit. On the right is the closed kit and on the left is when the kit is open. It's super cute ^^

Some cute books I brought. The one on the right is a diary so you need to press the right combination to open it out (aka press the music notes) and on the right is just a little diary book with colourful tabs

Here is where I put my 1cm stars. It's a special wishing bottle that also lights up when I shake it cause theres a little ball that gets activated when you shake the bottle

The collection of hair clips and hair accessories I managed to always buy and never use when I'm back here in Perth

This here is a hand band/ tiara like hand band that my older sister got me when she was holidaying in Vietnam. I wore this to my Year 12 Ball.

I will be waiting for you

“Wait for me.... I will be back very soon”. So I was watching Boys over flowers, a 2009 Korean Drama, that made me think about waiting for someone. I mean, in this drama Gu Jun Pyo sends Gandi a text message as he flies off because Geum Jan Di could not reach him in time. As a result, the message said for her to wait for him and that he would be come back real soon. After a few months, she decides to visit him in Macau. But things aren’t what she hoped to be, when she finds Gu Jun Pyo. However, Gu Jun Pyo still loves her but he has to pretend to not be involved with her, to get his mother off his case and satisfied. When Geum Jan Di returns to home, Gu Jun Pyo also returns and he tries to get back with her, but from what she seen and known, it took a bit longer for them to be together.

What made me think about this issue of waiting for someone to come back to you is that is it worth waiting for them? Like, say that you promised to wait for them and after a year or 2 you finally meet them again, do things goes back to how they were or how you left off? What would happen after 1 or 2 years apart?

It’s kind of hard to predict what would happen ... really. I think the only answer is if you love them and they mean everything to you and that leaving is the only option then its worth waiting for them to come back to you, if they also feel the same. I have a friend that has been in a relationship for almost 3 or 4 years now and their relationship is still going strong. This is because the ‘guy’ was forced to join the army in Singapore for about 2 or 3 years, to serve his country, so his girlfriend waited for him. From what I heard from him, his training will be done by 2011.

Some would say that waiting for someone shows commitment and it would strengthen your current relationship too. Well, that’s mainly other people’s opinion. So my question is, is it worth waiting for someone? And will things get picked up after a certain time apart from one another?

1st shop of Coffee Prince

1st shop of Coffee Prince, a 2007 Korean drama, is a drama that is a love story between a tomboyish female and a young male entrepreneur.

The synopsis of this drama is that Choi Han Kyul (portrayed by Gong Yoo) is the son of a rich family. His family forces him into marriage, yet he doesn’t believe in love nor marriage. Go Eun Chan (portrayed by Yoon Eun Hye) is a 24 years old tomboyish female who is quite often mistaken for a male. Her sister often uses her as her “boyfriend” to get rid of boys who follow her around. She has the responsibility of taking care of her mother and sister and takes on any job that is possible.

Eun Chan meets Han Kyul during a robbery when one of her sister’s boyfriends attempts to steal a handbag. However, Eun Chan’s delivery motorcycle was damage and decides to collect some money from Han Kyul to fix it. Han Kyul insults Eun Chan of being a thief because Han Kyul got the impression that she had planned the whole incident. However, Han Kyul decides to hire Eun Chan was his “false lover” to escape the blind dates that his grandmother has been planning. However, still unknowing to Han Kyul that Eun Chan is actually a girl.

Meanwhile, Han Kyul’s cousin Choi Han Seong (portrayed by Lee Sun Gyun), who is a music producer, and Han Yoo Joo (portrayed by Chae Jung Ahn), a famous artist, we’re lovers for about 8 years. But they’re relationship ended, when Yoo Joo broke up with Han Seong to move to New York. 2 years later their paths cross when Yoo Joo decided to move back home.

After getting an ultimatum from his grandmother, Han Kyul decided to take charge of a damaged old coffee shop. He renamed the shop “Coffee Prince” to show his abilities to both his grandmother and Yoo Joo, who he had a secret crush on for 9 years. In order to make business prosper he decided to attract female customers by only hiring good looking males as employees. Eun Chan was employed by Han Kyul, but still unaware Eun Chan was actually a girl. Eun Chan takes the offer because of her current struggle with money. Soon after, as business was prospering, Eun Chan and Han Kyul feelings start to spark. However, as Han Kyul was still unaware that Eun Chan is a girl, he starts to question his sexuality and tries to distance himself from her.

What I liked about this drama is that, you can’t run away from love. I mean, throughout this drama Han Kyul tried to distance himself from Eun Chan and vice versa. But they couldn’t. Even when Han Kyul still thought that Eun Chan was a boy, he tried to stay away from her, but just could not. One of the quotes that Han Kyul said was, “I have to see you at work every day. And if I don’t then I would be sad.” (Well not to the exact but it’s along that line :D) And this was coming from a guy that didn’t believe in love.

Cold Case Love ~ Rihanna

So here's a song which i managed to get lyrics to ^^. It's a song from Rihanna from there album 'Rated R'. To me, hearing this song shows pain and struggle. So enjoy!

On my roof
Dark and I'm burning a rose
I don't need proof
I'm torn apart & you know
What you did to me was a crime
Cold Case Love
And I let you reach me one more time
But that's enough

Your love was breaking the law
But I needed a witness
So pick me up when it's over
It don't make any difference
Will it ever be solved
Or am I taking the fall
Truth was there all along
Tell me how did we miss it

We opened up a cold case love
And it got the best of us
And now prints, pictures & white outlines
Are all that's left at the scene of a crime
Of a cold case love

Should've investigated
But love blinded eyes
Couldn't see (no)
And then I tried to cage it
But your love ain't the kind you can keep
Release me now cause I did my time
Of this cold case love
My heart's no longer cold & confined
I've had enough

Your love was breaking the law
But I needed a witness
So pick me up when it's over
It don't make any difference
Will it ever be solved
Or am I taking the fall
Truth was there all along
Tell me how did we miss it

We opened up a cold case love
And it got the best of us
And now prints, pictures & white outlines
Are all that's left at the scene of a crime
Of a cold case love

We lost our way
Took this too far
Now I'll never find the pieces of my heart
We've lost enough
Looking for a truth
That was here all along

Cold case love
And it got the best of us
and now prints, pictures & white outlines
Are all that's left at the scene of a crime
Of a cold case love

We opened up a cold case love
And it got the best of us
and now prints, pictures & white outlines
Are all that's left at the scene of a crime
Of a cold case love

A Masquerade Ball

I was lucky enough to be invited to my friend’s 21st Birthday this coming Friday, 6th August. Her parents and herself, decided to celebrate her 21st birthday by throwing her a masquerade ball.

Well, a little history about how a masquerade ball started from. The ball was first noted in Italy during the 15th Century. They were public costumed festivals which were held in Venice. Masquerade balls were generally held for members of the upper class society and have been associated with the tradition of the Venetian Carnival. The balls became very common throughout Europe through the 17th and 18th Century.

What makes a masquerade ball so fun and exciting is wearing a mask and trying to identify the person you are dancing with. It is also amazing to see the different types of mask people are wearing. These include the traditional Venetian mask or the half mask or even the phantom of the opera type masks.

However, masks have been used throughout different movies for different proposes other than a for a masquerade ball. One includes wearing a mask to cover up and identity. Like the movie starring Hilary Duff and Chad Michael Murray, A Cinderella Story (2004), Sam (portrayed by Hilary Duff) wears a mask to cover up her identity at the school Halloween dance. Austin Ames (portrayed by Chad Michael Murray) however, doesn’t wear a mask, but is suspicious about who is behind the mask as the two characters dance in the court yard. Another situation is the movie the Princess Protection Program (2009) starring Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato. In this movie, Carter (portrayed by Selena Gomez) comes up with the idea to make some of the girls that had been bullied in the school to dress up as princesses and to wear masks. This was because the plan was to get General Kane to think that he had entered in a princess masquerade ball. He also assumes that the mask and dress that Carter is wearing is Princess Rosalinda (portrayed by Demi Lovato) and takes her away. So in both movies, A Cinderella Story and The Princess Protection Program, they used masks to hide their identities.

For me, a masquerade ball is one of the most fun, yet exciting and mysterious balls to go to. This is because you do not know who is behind the mask and/ or the person you are dancing with.

Finding a guy

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'

Hurt

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Someday I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I want to do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that
I've missed you since you've been away

Oh, it's dangerous
It's so I'm afraid to try to turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself

By hurting you

Can two people be in love only on paper?

After watching “Full House” a 2004 Korean drama, the drama attempts to answer the question of whether two people can be in love only on paper.

The synopsis of this drama begins with Han Ji-Eun who lives in a house called Full House that was built by her father and she inherited from her late parents. Han Ji-Eun is an aspiring script writer. One day, her two best friends trick her in believing that she had won a free holiday to Shanghai. Han Ji-Eun accepts the free holiday and leaves, while her two friends sell her house due to money reasons and one of her friend is expecting a baby. While Han Ji-Eun is on the plane she meets Lee Young-Jae who is a famous actor. During her vacation, small problems started to immerge. When she returns, she discovered that her house had been sold to Lee Young-Jae.

Both characters do not get along with each other; Han Ji-Eun is a messy character while Lee Young-Jae is a bad tempered and cleanliness person. However, both characters agreed to live with each other. At first Han Ji-Eun agreed to work as Lee Young-Jae’s maid in order to get her house back, but later they get married because Lee Young-Jae wanted to make the love of his life jealous; Kang Hye-Won, a fashion designer that designs most of Lee Young-Jae’s clothes. Lee Young-Jae and Han Ji-Eun set up a contract stating that they will be married for 6 months and after that the house will be given back to Han Ji-Eun. During the 6 months together, the two characters start to develop feelings for one another. However, with Lee Young-Jae’s bad temper, a rift starts to immerge between the two couples with Yoo Min-Hyuk, a director of a large media company. When Kang Hye-Won sees Lee Young-Jae and Han Ji-Eun getting close she starts to feel jealous. Eventually, Lee Young-Jae and Han Ji-Eun get a divorce and he moves away.

After awhile, Lee Young-Jae returns and finds out that Han Ji-Eun hasn’t married yet and he knows that he has fallen for her – and she with him. He tries all he can to get her back. He proposes to her, but this time for the right reasons and finally, they get a second chance at marriage.

So it seems that two people, who lives in to opposite worlds, can fall in love with one another. To me, what makes them fall in love with one another is the fact that the time they spend together and discovering a little more about the other person and adapting to their habits which causes the two to fall in love. If it wasn’t for the first contract that they set up, then the two characters would not fallen in love with one another. Also, it wasn’t for Han Ji-Eun’s two best friends for selling the house and giving her the free vacation then meeting Lee Young-Jae would never happened and Han Ji-Eun would have never had the opportunity to kick-start her written scripts.

My Knight

Most girls in the world dream about finding Prince Charming to come and sweep them off their feet. Others dream about marrying a rich and wealthy man. As for me, I dream of a knight in shinning armour. Why a knight and not Prince Charming or a rich and wealthy man? Well because I'm looking for someone to protect me and save me. Being rich and wealthy has no meaning to me, just being there when I need him is all I need. I'm looking for someone who can make me happy and feel safe around. Someone who is not afraid to defend what he believes in. It may sound ridiclous and it seems like I'm in my fantasy world again, but I believe that out there in the world there is someone like that. He doesn't need to be a Knight. He can be just about anything he wants to be. But his morals and values is what I long for. Even if his not rich or wealthy or he is, that woudn't matter much to me. Just being there when I need him is fine with me. Being there to wipe the tears of my face when I sad, making me laugh when I'm about to cry and much more.

Can you lend me a Heart?

Here's a poem which i published 29/11/2007 to a local newpaper. This is one of my last piece of work that I created. However, after this creation I stopped for awhile and haven't written any more ever since.

Every day I sit and wait,
Waiting for God to change my faith
Can God replace my broken heart?
Or will he left it be torn apart?
Waiting for a chance to live once more,
So please God don’t close the door!

I dream of seeing the stars up high,
Not a world that’s full of lies.
Dust til dawn, I sit and pray,
Hoping that you’ll change my way.
The pain and suffering I dread each night,
Finding a way towards your light.

All I have is my family and friends,
They’ll support me till the very end.
The pain I caused is in too deep,
At night I cry myself to sleep.
Each day that flashes before my eyes,
I asked myself “will God let me die?”